Mixed Martial Arts = Legalized dog fighting

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Yeah, I know you're surprised, just imagine how surprised I was to learn this.

I mean the signs are there that are so hard to ignore that I feel stupid for not figuring this out sooner.

1. After losing at UFC 76 9 fighters were either: shot, electricuted, beaten to death, hung or drown.
   
2. Of course we all remember those published reports where it was revealed that to ensure there would be UFC stars to come that were good fighters and photogenic, Dana White had Rochelle Leah put up on a rape stand and had 1 guy from each of the 5 weight classes come buy for a little forced breeding.
   
3. All the guys that are announced as Dr.'s at UFC shows? They all have PH.D's but none of them are in medicine. One guy has a PH.D. in liquor from what I've been told.
   
4. The most tragic comparison though was at UFC 64 and 3/8 when "The Natural Assassin" Tito Liddell was so injured in his fight they euthanized him in the middle of the Octagon.

I usually call guys who fail drug tests morons in this space. All of those men have my permission to look down upon the author of this story. This guy, his name is Jason Andreasen by the way, would definitely flunk out of moron school, but perhaps that's part of condition for writing at Louisiana State University.

Here's proof that this guy doesn't no anything about his subject, and happily enough it is his own words.

Of course, how could I rant and rave about how terrible MMA is without talking about boxing and even professional wrestling?

First of all, boxing is a completely different animal. Boxing is regulated by various entities like the Nevada State Athletic Commission; meanwhile, MMA
organizations run from such regulation.

I'd like to thank Mr. Andreasen for pointing this out to me. All this time, I thought the UFC was working hard to see MMA regulated in every state, even those they have no intention of ever running. I bet Jason would say that those in charge of the UFC are too stupid to realize that this would make it harder for them to run away.

Furthermore, greats like Muhammad Ali were graceful and cunning while Tito Ortiz, a popular UFC fighter, just tries
to beat someone’s head in. There is no beauty, no poetry-in-motion.

Ah yes, the beauty of boxing. I also believe boxing is beautiful and let me tell you fine readers what I think are the most beautiful parts of the sport.

1. All of the guys that have died in the ring. This is one thing sadly lacking in MMA and is really what the sport needs if it ever wants to be considered less barbaric than dogfighting.
   
2. All of the former boxers who walk around punch drunk. These guys are fun to watch because unlike people who just get drunk, these guys can't and won't sober up in a few hours which means we can be entertained by them for decades.
   
3. All of the kids pulled from the inner-city by boxing promoters, fight for ever and when they're done end up just as poor as they were when they started due to being associated with people who have corrupt as part of the title on their business card. For these kids it is a "get rich quick" scheme but the fine print is they'll be getting poor again quick and their brain will be too fried for them to do anything else but come out of retirement to fight some more.

Now for the record, I don't hate boxing but calling it poetry and MMA barbaric is like complimenting the emperor on his new outfit when in fact he's dead, naked and decomposition has set in.

There's more.

As for professional wrestling, at least that is staged. The people who watch the WWE do it as much for the soap opera storylines as they do for the violence.
It is scripted and choreographed. I would rather live in a culture that watches choreographed fighting rather than this barbaric and senseless human cock
fighting.

First of all is it cock fighting or dog fighting?

Ok, so wrestling is fine because its scripted, so here's my compromise to Mr. Andreasen since I'm such a great guy.

We'll make MMA more like pro wrestling.

1. We're going to start scripting all the matches, this will also have the bonus impact of eliminating the need for drug testing.
   
2. In order to make sure it is exactly like Wrestling, Vince McMahon will be in charge. Now, I've had a chance to "speak" with Mr. McMahon about some changes that would immediately be made.
   
3. New weight class definitions in MMA:
   
   1. Lightweight: 255-275 LB
      
   2. Welterweight: 276-290
      
   3. Middleweight: 291-310
      
   4. Light Heavyweight: 311-335
      
   5. Heavyweight: 336 and above
   
   There may also be a cruiserweight class but they will be routinely forgotten about.
   
4. Other divisions may include the Hillbilly division.
   
5. No more 3 fights a year, now it will be 4 fights a week for 150 days a year.
   
6. Chairshots would be a legal finish but only if administered right to the head

With all of those changes in about 10 to 20 years, MMA will be just like wrestling with a death rate among performers in their 40's being 7 times the rate of the rest of the human population. Won't that be fun?

The fact is that MMA, while it may contain different forms of martial arts, appears to be little more than an excuse to watch someone get the crap beaten out of them. You can try and tell me all about how I don’t understand the intricacies of the “sport,” but I know what I see.

If you know what you see, why did you use the phrase "appears to be" in the prior sentence?
As for educating you, don't give up hope. It only took the brick wall of my apartment building an hour to understand the concept. So I figure, 2 maybe 3 years for you should be sufficient.

What I see is a bunch of steroid-using guys beating each other up with little or no restriction. You call that a sport? I call it human blood-sport, and
I think it is sad that it is the fastest growing “sport” in the world.

So remember kids, it is ok to be a steroid using freak as long as you are fake fighting.

I'd tell you all to send this guy emails or leave him comments but that would just make the job of the person who does his reading for him that much harder and there's no need to bring the inicent in to this.

Here's how to solve the problem with articles like this, I've drafted an appropriate letter that you can send out to curb this kind of behavior.

Dear Crackerjack:
I am writing this letter to you as a concerned citizen. I would ask that you please stop putting fony journalism degree in boxes of your product as prizes. Sure, a 5 year old might find it funny to have a degree from crackerjack U but people with much less intelligence think this actually gives them the ability to write.
The result is quite frankly doing a great harm to society. So replace the fake journalism degrees with something else. You're failure to do so will result in my supporting a petition to have crackerjack removed from the song "take me out to the ballgame" and replaced with crunch and munch. Yes, it will destroy the rhyme scheme but sometimes you must make sacrifices for causes you believe in.

Sincerely:
Casey Trowbridge
combat-hooligans.com

Just change my name and affiliation at the end to yours and it should all be aces after that.

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