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Welcome to the return of Casey’s Old Country Corner. A column so great it makes the best Wandering Euan's Eutube Extravaganza column look even worse than the shittiest TNA iMPACT ever when compared side-by-side.
If you’re unfamiliar with the Old Country Corner, seriously castrate yourself for being so far behind the rest of the world. The Old Country Corner was a feature where I sorted through the Old Country Historical archives, a vault of information so vast it needed to be contained on not 1 or even 2 but 3 3.5 inch floppy discs.
I would pour over the historical texts in search of information that was at risk of being forgotten completely if not immediately broadcast to the world. That information usually dealt with Wrestling history, either taking a look at a forgotten promotion or worker and on rare occurrences a this day in Old Country History piece.

So, because Karl Stern is back and working again and because Euan brought his clearly inferior piece out of retirement, I thought it time to put out the fire that was threatening the Old Country Library and get back to work. A quick word of advice, shoeboxes do not make for the best in Old Country Libraries, construction kind of sucks and they do burn easily. However, they are about 3 or 4 or 100 times the space necessary to hold the vast archives.

We’re going to look back at a fondly remembered character in the old country rings at least among those fans who’ve suffered 10 concussions or more, Long Wang Penisinski.

Long Wang Penisinski was born of Russian and Chinese descent in the year that came after that one everybody thought was a big year but ended up being less eventful than the 1 that came 5 years later, You know which one I’m talking about.
He came to the old country wrestling circuit in either 1534 or 1672 the records are kind of vague and written on Snickers wrappers.
The Pollish, and I’m not talking ancestry here, promoter Vinimir Russomov was credited for introducing Penisinski to the Old Country Ring. It isn’t really known if he did or just took credit for it because in all recorded interviews with Russomov he just kept saying look at the ratings for Old Country Fighting And Grappling (OC FAG) since I’ve been here.
If you want to know the highlights of the career of Long Wang Penisinski, hey so do I. Fact is he wrestled at a time where wins and losses weren’t treated as important and all the bookers were more focused on curving the audience. Its nice to know some things haven’t changed.
Besides, looking up wins and losses and names of opponents would take time and probably require a 4th floppy disc and there’s just not room for that in the Old Country Historical, zombification and Reanimation budget.
We do know though that Penisinski’s career ended during the big Hemorrhoids scandal of 1392 (Yes, his career was over before his debut, and I can’t really explain why without calling Stephen Hawking and I can never tell if I’ve got Dr. Hawking or his answering machine). Hemorrhoids were at one time responsible for an unusually high rate of death in the wrestling industry. The Hemorrhoids scandal caused the death rate among wrestlers to jump to 284 to 1, as compared to the rest of the population. The industry was nearly ruined until the son-in-law of the promoter who used the name Hextuple J was forced to retire due to Hemorrhoids.
The promoter Mic Vinmanicus immediately instituted the well-ass policy and all was right with the world. The storyline became focused on Mr. Gandhi...Gandhi as Vinmanicus' bastard-in-law and the company reached new hights in empty buildings, declining ratings and plunging buyrates. Until Hextuple J kicked the bucket and then died from a related foot injury, Vinmanicus had maintained that the company had no record of Hemorrhoids in any talent but did have the Herman's Hermits greatest hits album which they played at every stockholder's meeting.
You may ask what that has to do with the career of Penisinski and that's a logical question. Unfortunately, there's no place for logic in wrestling (Yet another thing that hasn't changed) but the truth is, Penisinski was just around so the writers could make Dick jokes and besides he was never able to disprove the perceived shortcomings in the eyes of bookers like Peter Peterson.

I hope you've enjoyed the reintroduction of the Old Country Corner. If you didn't enjoy it, just reread it until you do or your eyes fall out, either way. I don't know when the OCC will return, it takes litterally seconds upon seconds to make up...er...research these articles.


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